


Numb

by Jeredu



Category: Tales of Xillia 2
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, spoilers for Tales of Xillia 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeredu/pseuds/Jeredu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ludger still felt numb.  Nova was probably planning an intervention by now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Still Numb**

_Jude didn’t question it when Ludger immediately disappeared to change clothes.  They’d need to soak everything in cold water to get the blood out, anyway.  He offered to do the task himself. As a doctor, he had long overcome any discomfort around blood.  Ludger was no stranger to blood, either.  The blood wasn’t the issue; it was the source._

_Ludger had been setting up in the kitchen, letting the familiar routine distract him.  He was currently lathering up his hands, until the red swirl in the sink jerked him out of his absent-minded trance._

_He stilled, staring blankly at his hands until the full weight of the day finally began to sink in.  Jude paused at the sudden silence, turning to regard Ludger._

_Are you okay? He wanted to ask.  But he already knew the answer. Nothing about this was okay. It would probably never be okay.  But they would press forward regardless._

_“_ Ludger _,” he sighed._

 

Ludger did later regret his outburst to Nova, and hanging up on her even moreso. She deserved better, even if she seemed to have the worst timing.  But even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't let himself die yet.  There was too much at stake. Dying wasn't an option. He'd apologize to her later, when this was all over, face to face, if he could.  

At the moment, though, he was beginning to feel a bit fatalistic.  Even if they all survived this, he'd never be the same. There was something about being the author of your own death that put everything into a different light.   Everything was skewed in the wan light, built on lies and secrets.  He was still trying to cope with the fact that he'd become a murderer.  Or would be.  Had been.   Still didn't know what to say to Elle.   Still didn't know how to look her in the eye after what he'd done. Still remembered the weight of Victor's body, of Victor's warning. 

Still had a debt to pay.

 

Ludger was getting careless.   Reckless.  He should have heeded the townspeople's advice before blindly heading to the bottom of Labari Hollow to fight yet another elite monster.  He'd taken Alvin, Rowen, and Leia with him, thinking that he could just beat Exoplasma into submission like every other.   The others followed him down the winding paths and tunnels with apprehension.  None of them seemed to have any fond memories of this place.  

He saw the monster lurking at the bottom, and charged.

 

It had been a mistake that nearly cost him his life.  His attacks did nothing to this creature. Every blow seemed to heal it until they discovered the weaknesses.  It split and flanked him, keeping them all struggling just to survive as it kept revealing new, baffling tricks.  They eventually managed to find a rhythm, beating down the duplicates and forcing it to split over and over again.  

Ludger was fast, but not fast enough to avoid the blow that sent all four of them flying as the monster lashed out, knowing its end was nigh.  It was dangerous, but he was so constantly surrounded by danger that it took him a moment to register his peril.   He didn't dare shift into his Chromatus after what they'd discovered.  He couldn't do that to Elle.  It was a last resort.   This wasn't even a fractured world.  

 

The monster lunged, he dodged... directly into a third copy.  Hot agony lanced through Ludger's side. He couldn't even see what he'd been skewered with, but he knew without looking that it was bad.  His eyes blurred, and the world burst into gold as he shifted, his Chromatus stopping everything, even his bleeding out, as he dealt the final blow to the beast, engulfing it and its copies in dark energy until there was nothing left. It could not absorb the formless attack, and it crumpled into nothing.  

 

Ludger collapsed sideways to the earth, his Chromatus vanishing. His heart began to hammer again, each beat pumping more blood out onto the soil.    He was dimly aware of Leia's horrified shriek, dimly aware of Alvin whipping out his phone and snapping something at, he presumed, Jude.  Rowen and Leia knelt beside him to examine the wound, Rowen putting pressure on it as Leia began to channel healing artes.  None of them seemed inclined to berate him for his idiocy.  That almost made it worse.  

Nova's words echoed ironically in his head. 

 _It's only money, Ludger_.

He'd been too reckless.  Elle was sitting on the sidelines looking horrified and guilty.  His vision swam.  His eyes started to drift shut.  Alvin cursed and came to join them, roughly cupping Ludger's cheeks and demanding his attention as he knelt. 

 

"Eyes on  _me_ , kid! Help's on the way,"  Alvin barked, his tone leaving no room for argument. 

 

Ludger's mouth twitched into a smile, obediently looking up.  The smile faltered at the sight of naked panic on the usually composed features.  

"The hell were you  _thinking_?" Alvin finally exclaimed. Ludger tried to look away, but those hands roughly kept his attention on Alvin.  

"I..." Ludger gasped, only to bite his lip in pain. 

"Don't talk," Alvin amended.  "You shouldn't have gotten up, either.  Why the _hell_ did you transform after that thing skewered you!?"

 

Ludger's eyes shifted between his companions.  He'd wanted to protect them.  Buy some time, for himself, too. 

 

"Had to," he whispered. It stops everything. Long enough for all of them. His hand tightened over Rowen's against the wound.  It burned horribly, and he arched reflexively as Leia kicked her healing up a notch, choking out a wordless exclamation.  His lungs were fine, at least, but every breath hurt because it shifted him.  Gentle hands pressed him back down.  He tasted blood, turning his head and spitting it out disgustedly.  Alvin gave him a startled look, the rough hands retreating briefly, wiping away the crimson.

"...Bit my tongue," Ludger admitted, and Alvin sighed in exasperation.  Ludger hadn't even noticed it against the greater agony in his side. 

"You're scarin' me enough as it is," Alvin muttered, slightly relieved, hands returning to pat a cheek when Ludger's eyes started to droop again.  He was beginning to suspect some kind of toxin was at work, since Ludger hadn't really lost enough blood yet to warrant this degree of exhaustion. Then again, Alvin was of the opinion that Ludger had been running himself ragged from day one. 

 

Ludger felt numb again, but it was different, somehow.   He felt both lightheaded and leaden.   He was cold, but it was generally cold in Labari Hollow, anyway.  He was beginning to hate this place, too.   Elle finally wandered closer, sitting on his good side and reaching for his hand.  Ludger suspected that he wasn't the only one who felt numb.  She'd barely spoken a word to him today, though she had forgiven him.  With a pang, he realized that by putting himself in danger again, he had nearly robbed her of yet another loved one.   She'd lost Milla and Victor already; he couldn't let anyone else die on his watch, for her sake, if not his own. 

But he needed to make it out of this alive, first.   He realized that his head had slipped sideways to look at Elle, and he smiled at her briefly. Then, with some effort, he tried to straighten back up to look at Alvin.  The older man fortunately took the hint and assisted him. 

 

Ludger struggled to find the right words. 

 

"Alvin... If anything happens to me, Elle-" he rasped, but Alvin cut him off with a gentle shake. 

 

"Nothin's gonna happen to you, kid, so drop it," Alvin growled. After a moment, he sighed. "But if it ever did, hypothetically, you know we'd do our best to do right by her. Now shut up and conserve your strength.  For Efreet's sake, normally I can't get more than two syllables out of you, and  _now_ you decide to blab?"

Ludger decided not to argue that point, since arguing (and breathing) hurt. 

 

 

Fortunately, the others had only been as far as Xian Du.   Ludger was dimly aware of a clamor as Jude and Elize showed up within the half hour with the others trailing behind. Muzet drifted down from above, actually looking concerned as the others made their way down the usual paths.  Elize wordlessly took over for Leia, the two girls exchanging a significant glance.  Jude joined her, giving directions as the others apparently set up a makeshift stretcher. 

The rest of the day was a dim blur, a haze of conversation and tension and pain and soothing hands.  

 

Ludger awoke the next day, not realizing he'd fallen unconscious, with bandages wrapped tightly around his torso.  Elle was nowhere to be found, and he was in his own room rather than a medical ward of any kind.   Cautiously, he inhaled deeply, and was pleasantly surprised as it elicited only a dull ache. Right on cue, his door creaked open and Jude peered inside, sighing with relief when Ludger met his gaze.  

 

"Hey.  After the train debacle, I didn't think it'd be a good idea to let Spirius handle this one.  How do you feel?" Jude murmured, brow slightly furrowed.  Ludger got the feeling he'd be getting a stern talking-to at some point. 

A number of questions came to mind in response, but Ludger finally settled on-

"Where's Elle?"

 

Jude opened the door wider, and a subdued, quiet Elle slipped by him to come sit on the edge of his bed.  Wordlessly, she took his hand in her own.  He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, smiling.   He attempted to sit up, wincing.  Probably not the smartest idea, but he didn't want Elle to worry.  

This, of course, earned him an exasperated sigh from Jude. "You had us all worried. Fortunately, it mostly missed your vitals.  Take it easy, though.  Elize, Leia, and I managed to patch you up pretty well, but you're going to be tender for a while," he explained, leaning against the door frame. 

Ludger nodded, somewhat relieved, mostly regretting a lot of things he'd done lately. 

 

"Sorry," he whispered.  It had been monumentally stupid, but it had woken him up at last.  "Thank you."   He still felt exhausted, so he settled back down and let himself drift off for a little while longer.  He needed his strength.  Elle slipped out after Jude, muttering something Ludger would have thought sounded suspiciously like "Dummy," had he still been awake.  But even then, he wouldn't have caught the whispered, "Don't scare me like that again."

Ludger slept on, oblivious, but he would wake soon.

He had work to do.


	2. Some things never change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Julius will never stop trying to be Ludger's big brother, no matter how short he falls of the mark.

Julius generally kept his distance these days.  Selfishly, he knew that if he stuck around, it would lead to questions. Questions he didn't want to address. Answers with which he did not want to burden Ludger.   He knew he hadn't the right to choose, but he chose ignorance for Ludger because knowing that at least one of them could still smile freely made the rest of it easier to bear. 

Even then, Ludger didn't have much to smile about lately. He busied himself keeping Agents off of Ludger's tail as covertly as possible, wanting to give Ludger the chance to rest.  Because it was all he  _could_ do, when Ludger kept thrusting himself deeper and deeper into the twisted heart of this corrupt game. He'd wanted to keep Ludger safe, taking on the responsibilities so Ludger wouldn't have to.  But Ludger had forcefully taken the reins, now, and all Julius could do was prepare himself for the inevitable, and do what he could to help Ludger prepare himself as well. 

It would be his parting gift, then.  The last thing he could do for Ludger. And he would do it willingly, freely, and on his own terms. But right now, all of that had ground to a halt, and Julius would be a liar if he said he wasn't a bit relieved. 

 

Except, of course, for the fact that a nearly fatal injury was involved. 

 

So here he found himself, sneaking into their apartments, waiting for Jude and Elle to walk past as he fished out his key.   He slipped in easily, shutting the door softly behind him.  How many days ago had it been that he'd been giving Ludger a pep talk for his first day working at the cafeteria?  Only for their next meeting to nearly send his heart to his throat. The last person he'd wanted to see on that train was Ludger.   It was a worst case scenario in every way, and nothing good had come of it, in his opinion.  

Ludger was the reason he fought, after all. 

 

...If only his cooking abilities were as bolstered as his combat skills by such feelings.  He rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out some leftover soup, reheating it for Ludger.  Better to trust Ludger's cooking than his own.  Ludger would probably assume Jude had done it, as Julius planned to be long gone by the time Ludger woke again.  Thankfully, his little brother was a heavy sleeper. 

 

Julius stole softly into Ludger's room, as he had often done when they were younger, to check on him.    Jude and company had done spectacular work considering the situation, from what he'd heard.   And it was probably for the better, as they couldn't very well afford to pay any more steep medical bills.   Once the poison had been neutralized, Ludger had fared much better, as the wound itself was a neat puncture wound.  The toxin had prevented clotting and had made him feverish, but that, too, had passed.   

 

Julius leaned down, reaching out to brush a few stray strands out of ludger's face.  His hair was starting to get long again, and was probably in need of a trim.  Julius had so much unfinished business, it seemed.  He supposed at this point, all he could do was stop stepping in- and instead, step back.  Ludger had risen admirably to all the challenges thus far,  and instead of breaking as his flaws got hammered viciously out, he had become brilliant.   He got the impression that Ludger felt overshadowed by his big brother in the past, but he hadn't realized how much he outshone Julius these days.  

_I'm such a pathetic big brother._

He leaned down brushing his fingers across Ludger's cheek in a silent apology for the pain he'd yet to inflict.  He was a coward.  He couldn't bring himself to tell Ludger face to face, yet.  Perhaps he'd leave a letter, and let Ludger decide for himself.  Julius knew what was soon to come.  He just hoped he would still have the strength to protect Ludger from Chronos.  It was a given that Chronos would probably try to intervene.  Chronos liked to play dirty. 

He needed to set his affairs in order, but not before he made sure Ludger was safe and his immediate future secure.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered, straightening up again.  

 

Ludger smiled in his sleep, and Julius slipped back out. 


End file.
